Any parent with a child involved in sports these days knows there is a shortage of officials, referees, umpires, etc. School, recreational, and travel/club leagues across the country are canceling games and shrinking tournaments because they cannot find the officials the need. Demand is high, and growing, after the COVID19 pandemic “sidelined” most sports. But, established officials are also leaving the game, and new blood is reluctant to step in. Why? Because there’s a serious problem with harassment and assault of officials.
We’ve all seen the news headlines: “Harassment causing umpires to quit in droves”; “NJ umpire, 72, with broken jaw, concussion sues coach over assault at youth game”; “Stalked into a dark parking lot: Umpires reveal their biggest fear”. Or how about this one: “[f]ormer NHL referee Tim Peel has been accused of berating two teenage referees following a youth hockey game in Missouri”. Seriously? This guy, in particular, should know better.
Over my 15 years of coaching, I have seen my fair share of harassment of officials, though nothing got violent. As a coach, I’ve stepped in between an umpire and a middle aged male coach, 50 pounds larger than me, to make clear the coach was out of line, and needed to step down; Luckily, he did. I’ve also had to remind parents to abide by the Prospect Park Baseball Association’s Rules, including a “Code of Conduct”. The Rules and Code prohibit “heckling”, “distracting & destructive comments”, and threats of any kind. The punishments include ejection, and bans from spectating.
On a beautiful spring day a few years back, I had an uncomfortable interaction with a step-parent of a new player on our team. A long-time parent from my team let me know this new player’s parent was screaming unkind things at the umpire from their seat a few yards away from home plate. The offending parent was drinking alcohol, which might have contributed to their inappropriate behavior. In between innings, I told the parent that I hadn’t heard what they said, but I was told it was inappropriate. They told me they had the right to say whatever they wanted to; it was a public space. I reminded them they had agreed to the rules when they registered their child. I told them if they continued to harass the umpire, I would require them to leave, or the game would not continue. If their behavior continued beyond that, I would report them to the league, and ask that they be banned from spectating. That parent never returned to watch their child play; the child played with another team in subsequent seasons. I’m fine with that. My team doesn’t need that kind of energy.
Some leagues have responded to these problems with creative anti-harassment policies. The Little League of Deptford Township in New Jersey established a rule that requires any spectator found to be harassing a baseball umpire to serve as a volunteer umpire for three subsequent games before they’d be allowed to return as a spectator. So far, it seems the new rule is making a difference. I’m all for creativity, and I’m also all for stepping up to the plate to help kids. I heeded the call and became both a certified volleyball official and a baseball/softball umpire this past year.
First up was attending a training for new volleyball officials. I have been playing volleyball competitively since I turned 14 years old. After 4 years of varsity Midwood High School play, I competed through intramurals in college. Since 1997, I have played on a women’s indoor team. I have lived through significant rules changes. I remember the days when you won a set by earning 15 points, not 25, and you could only earn a point on your own team’s serve. I played for years before there was a “Libero” (no matter which way you pronounce it). And, back in my day, you couldn’t touch the ball with your foot, or your head. After thousands of games, I know a “carry” and a “double” when I see it. So, I was pretty confident taking on this new role.
My confidence only increased when sitting in that new officials training. Of the 20 or so people starting this new role, I was one of 5, maximum, that had ever played volleyball with an official in place. There were only 3 women in the room. We were all middle-aged moms, with experience as players at various levels. We all have teenage players, ourselves. The 2 other volleyball players were men at least a decade younger than the moms. The other 15 new officials in the room were middle-aged men, and older, with experience as basketball and/or baseball/softball officials. One such participant explained that after decades of work in basketball his knees were shot, and he heard that “retiring” to volleyball was the way to “stay in the game”. You see, basketball referees have to run up and down the court, and baseball/softball umpires need to bend & croutch, as well as move with a bunch of equipment on, even in the hot sun. Volleyball officials, on the other hand, just stand there. Literally.
For years, I scratched my head wondering why there were so many male volleyball referees, when the sport is dominated by players who identify as girls & women. Now I know the answer. The lack of experience playing the game also explained how so many volleyball officials struggled to appropriately identify a carry or a double; they probably never committed one for themself.
After completing 10 hours of online training, and participation in a four-hour in person meeting, I felt more than capable of serving in this new role. Then I tried it. In order to get certified, I needed to be observed by a seasoned official in a real tournament. I was assigned to serve as an official at a girls regional tournament for 15 year olds. I would be serving with another new official. We would take turns in the role of the “first referee” (the person who stands on the platform, and uses their whistle to initiate and end each point) and the “second referee” (who stands opposite the first referee on the ground, and keeps track of adherence to certain rules, and manages flow of substitutions and time-outs). My partner was not new to officiating volleyball, though he had no volleyball playing experience; he had just finished a season officiating for a local girls high school league.
We agreed that my partner would serve as first referee in the first set of the match, with me as second referee; we’d switch roles in the second set. My partner was a decent first referee, and I learned the ropes as a second referee. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be but I understood that I would get better with time. Then it was my chance to serve as first referee. I was confident, and excited. Until I wasn’t.
I second guessed myself right away. I was constantly overthinking each contact of a player’s hands with the ball. I let a “double” call go that I knew I should have made. And then I let another “double” call go because I felt it evened things out for the teams. I let the next “double” call go, and saw the coaches express frustration towards me. I understood their feelings; I was NOT doing my job. And then, it got worse.
There was one particular point when I watched four different girls make consecutive touches to the ball before finally sending it over the net. I was shocked that these players, at this level, thought that was ok. The rule was you had a maximum of THREE contacts before the ball crossed the net. Why were they still playing the point? The coaches for both teams were jumping up and down and pointing at me. I then realized why the ball was still in play. I NEVER BLEW MY WHISTLE TO STOP THE PLAY. I wasn’t doing my job. I was failing in a role that I thought for sure I would succeed at.
After I finished my set, I sat for feedback from the experienced official observer. He gave me thoughtful and kind feedback, which lasted through my lunch break and into the time for my next assignment. He assured me that I would get better each time out. He said that everyone makes a mistake, or two, every game. You just get over it, and move on. He encouraged me to own my authority. He told me that coaches, players and parents will respect me, when I exude confidence, even if they don’t like my calls.
The powers-that-be let me officiate another game that day, because they were likely desperate, and I was much better. Still not perfect. But better. I’ve officiated dozens of volleyball sets since then, and none have been perfect. I get better each time, and I worry less about my performance each time, too. I was confident I would feel the same as I took to the baseball and softball fields in Prospect Park, earlier this spring, as this long time coach became an umpire.
I haven’t played competitive softball since I was a young teenager. I have never played competitive baseball. But, I’ve been coaching recreational teams in the Prospect Park Baseball Association for more than 15 years. I am known for my solid understanding of the rules. I felt ready for this role, and for the most part, I’ve been up to the task.
The hardest part, in general, is becoming consistent in calling a strike zone. Pitchers at the levels that I’m umpiring are very inconsistent. We are encouraged, as umpires, to define a strike zone that provides clarity and consistency to both pitchers and batters. My calls are for the players, not their coaches and parents.
I’ve gotten great feedback from coaches, so far this season, for the most part. And then there was last night…
Last night, I umpired a softball game for 11 and 12 year olds. The teams were unevenly matched. One team had depth in pitching, catching, hitting and fielding; the other team did not. By the bottom of the 2nd inning, it was 10-0. So, when I made a call that had never been made against the team that had not yet scored a run, it got a little heated.
At this particular level of softball in Prospect Park, base runners are allowed to lead and attempt to steal the next base. However, they have to wait until the catcher has control of the ball before leaving the bag. Last night, with a runner on first base, a pitch got past the catcher from the team that had the lead in score. The catcher scurried to get the ball, and as she picked up the ball, the runner on first attempted to steal 2nd base. The catcher took a strong step towards 2nd, and was about to throw the ball to allow the 2nd base player to tag out the runner, when she stopped quickly in her tracks; the batter had stepped backwards, out of the batter’s box, and was now directly in line between the catcher and second base. The catcher looked to me for a call. With slight hesitation, because I knew this was not something usually called at this level, I raised my fist, and called the batter out, for interference.
The batter was confused, as was her coach. “What did she do wrong?” “She was trying to get out of the way.” “She didn’t mean to interfere.” “It’s not fair”. I could hear additional mumblings coming from the dugout, and the parents beyond, in foul territory. The coach claimed the batter was entitled to a warning; it was in the rules. I clarified that I did not believe the rules provided a warning, but if he found where it said in the rules that a warning was expected, I would provide a warning. He started looking through the rules, then said it would take too long to find it. He attempted to seek an agreement with the other coach that the batter should get a warning. I explained that this was not a negotiation: if the rules provided for a warning, I would do so. Otherwise, the batter was out. He relented, and we continued play.
In between innings, the coach challenged me again, telling me that since the batter’s box isn’t delineated with paint or chalk that the batter shouldn’t be held to it. I told him that didn’t matter. It was an out. I suggested he consider this a learning opportunity to his players: his players should be instructed to stay in the batter’s box in such a situation, to avoid an interference call.
The coach questioning me was frustrating, but nothing beyond the norm. I had seen coaches, like this, who did not know the rules, attempt to create rules they wanted to exist, and hope that the umpire would agree that such a rule SHOULD exist, and thus apply it. Unfortunately, this coach’s behavior simultaneously suggested to everyone else around me that they should feel entitled to question my authority, even if they too, had no idea what they were talking about.
In between the next two innings, I was standing at the backstop fence, when a man approached and asked me if I could tell him the score. I explained that I could, but that if he wanted it authoritatively, he should check with the coaches. He then continued to tell me that the score is so lopsided against his team, that I should not have called the batter out for interference. He said something about me taking things “too seriously”… I quickly told him that he did not have the right to question me, and that he should stop talking to me right away. He continued. I told him to stop talking to me immediately, or I would stop the game. He told me the “game was already over…” I called upon the coach to inform this parent, and all others from his team, that if anyone harasses me again I would stop the game immediately, as per the rules of the organization and the Code of Conduct Policy. No one bothered me for the remainder of the game, and I walked away peacefully. I’ll be back out there again tonight, umping another game.
As a parent, and a coach, I understand the temptation to question an official. They. I mean, “we” sometimes get it wrong. I know I do. I’m assuming most other officials know they do, too. If a coach has a question about the application of a rule, by all means ask the official. If a parent has a question about a rule, by all means… ask the coach. Keep the official out of it. No one should ever question the judgment of the official to their face, or within earshot.
What could possibly benefit a player, coach or parent if they ultimately harass or assault an official? Absolutely nothing. And you know what it gets us? A shortage of fun and games for those that really matter, the kids.
Stop the harassment! And for those of you whose egos can handle the challenge, come on out, and join me. The kids need you, and I do, too.